Listen

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Note from Bob:  Enter our 2017 Five Favorite Questions to Ask at Thanksgiving Contest – details at the bottom of today’s post!

If you want to be effective at “Leading With Questions” what is the first thing required every time you ask a question? 

Might it be – You then have to

    LISTEN?

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost Indistinguishable.”  David Augsburger, Senior Professor of Pastoral Care & Counseling at Fuller Seminary.

Ken Blanchard shares that whenever he asks people to talk about the best boss they have ever had they also mention one quality:  Listening!

A seminary student carried out an experiment for a class assignment.  He put an ad in the local paper that said, “Will listen without interrupting for one hour.  $50.”  He was hoping to get a few calls from people who would simply give their reactions to his unusual approach.  But before the experiment was over, he made about $600.

So has anything I have just shared in this post surprised you?  I am guessing not!

So if we all already know how valuable listening is why aren’t we much much better at it?  What do you think?  (I sincerely would love to hear your thoughts?)

And then here is the really important question:   How can we get better at Listening? What do you think? (Again I would love to know your thoughts?)

Here are a couple of practices that I have found helpful:

  • Focus on being “Interested not Interesting!”
  • Focus on asking follow-up questions:
    • Please say more about that?
    • What else would you add?
    • What did you think about that?
    • How did that make you feel?
    • How did you figure that out?
    • What did you learn from this?
    • How will this benefit you going forward?
  • Focus on giving whoever I am talking with the gift of “Being listened to!” I can’t fully explain it but when I remind myself that I am giving them the gift of listening it somehow lets me listen better.
  • Focus on my goal in most conversations to listen 70% and to talk 30%. When I am coaching that moves up to listening 90% and talking 10%!  And then immediately after any conversation or coaching session to ask myself “How did I do?  What % of the time did I listen?  What % of the time did I talk?”  Somehow knowing that I am going to ask myself those questions when the conversation is over helps me stay focused on listening.
  • Here is an acrostic I keep by my computer:

It reminds me to focus on listening not talking!

“Remember that people care more about themselves than they care about you. People want to talk about themselves. Listening and letting people talk is key to winning them over in life, in business, and in all human relationships.”  Dave Kerpen from his book “The Art of People – 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want.”

So what are a couple of practices that you have found useful to your “Listening Success?”

 


In 7 days you (Americans) will be sitting down to enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving meal with your family and friends.

What questions would you like to ask those gathered at your table to take the conversation beyond the weather, the roads, shopping and football?

To enter the “Contest” simply share “Your Favorite Question to Ask at Thanksgiving” in the “Comment” section below: (Or email your question to me @ bob.tiede@cru.org )

Your Question needs to be original – one that is guaranteed to stimulate great conversations around Thanksgiving Tables everywhere! 

Questions that definitely will NOT win include:

  • When are we going to eat?
  • Did you watch the parades?
  • White or Dark?
  • Can I have another piece of pumpkin pie?
  • Do you think the Cowboys will win today?
  • What time are you getting up to go shopping tomorrow?

If your question is selected as one of the “The Five Most Favorite Questions to Ask at Thanksgiving” you will win a real printed “339 Questions Jesus Asked” book, “Great Leaders ASK Questions – A Fortune 100 List” book and audio book CD!  (Offer is limited to U.S. addresses)

Winners will be announced in a Special Thanksgiving “LeadingWithQuestions” Post next Wednesday, November 22.

Deadline for entering:  Midnight – Sunday – November 19, 2017

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What People Are Saying

Susan Zartman   |   16 November 2017   |   Reply

This was an awesome post. Great content. Now, I will be SILENT and ask my self W.A.I.T.

Mark Faggion   |   16 November 2017   |   Reply

What trials this year are you most thankful for – and why?

Martin Baumeister   |   19 November 2017   |   Reply

What was your best moment this year and why?