Note from Bob: Margie and her husband Duane are both longtime friends and former High School Classmates of mine at Parkston High School in Parkston, South Dakota. Margie is a licenced Grief Counselor. So many times we encounter friends, coworkers, family members, neighbors and sometimes even strangers who are experiencing grief and find ourselves either completely tongue tied or maybe filling the air with rather meaningless words because we want to say something. I asked Margie if she could help all of us by sharing her wisdom on what we might say or ask to be truly helpful. Thank you Margie for doing exactly that in today’s post!
Can one recover from grief? Many people say ‘no’. However, the Grief Recovery Institute® says, ‘yes’ we can recover from grief and loss and learn how to move on and live an emotionally fulfilling life after loss.
The Grief Recovery Institute®, Bend, OR. states that grief is the normal and natural reaction to significant emotional loss of any kind. While grief is normal and natural, most of the information passed on within our society about dealing with grief is not normal, natural, or helpful. Most of the information we have learned about dealing with loss is intellectual. Grievers do not have broken heads; they have broken hearts. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.
There are at least 43 losses that can produce the range of emotions we call grief; death, divorce, end of any relationship, loss of health, major financial changes, moving, pet loss, career changes, loss of trust, faith, safety and security and more.
The majority of incorrect ideas about dealing with losses can be summed up in six myths.
These comments really don’t help grievers deal with the pain and loss they are experiencing.
Another major concept that the Grief Recovery Institute® identifies is STERBS (Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors). Their material lists food, exercise, smoking, alcohol/drugs, fantasy (movies, TV, books), isolation, sex, shopping, and workaholism as common STERBS. These activities are very common and we are socialized to cover up emotional pain rather than confront it directly.
Recovery from loss is accomplished by discovering and completing all of the undelivered communications that accrue in relationships. The Grief Recovery Method® Action Plan creates a safe environment in which to look at old beliefs about dealing with loss; to look at what losses have affected your life; and to take new actions which lead to completion of the pain attached to one or more of those losses. The Action Plan ® facilitates the completion of the broken emotional relationship that happened in the loss.
Things not to say to someone who is grieving a death:
So how can you help your friends and family deal with losses they have experienced?
Other Suggestions:
Here are other comments that are helpful:
Questions to help them talk:
The goal of the Grief Recovery Institute® is to provide meaningful bereavement support, bereavement advice, and direction to help grievers recover from that significant emotional pain that accompanies any kind of loss. GriefRecoveryMethod.com . Grief Recovery is an Evidence-Based program.
Other material was referenced in Compassionate Communication by Corgenius, Inc., ©2016
Another useful resource is No Longer Awkward; Communicating with Clients Through the Toughest Times of Life. ©2014 by Corgenius, Inc.
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