So, the fastest way to change the answers you receive – from yourself and others – is to change the questions you ask. Consider the possible responses to questions like these:
- What happens if I fail at this?
- How will I deal with this problem employee?
- How can I get through this situation?
- How will I ever afford that new (fill in the blank)?
On the other hand, think about the responses that positive, more empowering questions will yield:
- What’s the best way for me to be successful at this?
- How can I support the success of this employee?
- How can I make the most of this situation?
- What are the options I need to consider in order to buy the new XYZ I want?
The questions you ask will either limit or expand the possible responses you get. Additionally, your choice of words will also dictate how involved, receptive and motivated the recipient will feel.
For example, in the heat of a month-end deadline, a you might ask your sales manager, “Why are we falling short of this month’s sales goal?” Your manager naturally feels defensive, put on the spot, and likely, unable to respond to your satisfaction regardless of the reason.
An alternative question could be, “What do you think we can do to ensure we meet our sales goal?” Now, your sales manager feels involved in the solution (vs. being accused of the problem), receptive to brainstorming alternatives and supported by you to ensure success. In short, he feels motivated to meet the goal.
The power of the answers you receive is directly proportionate to the power of the questions you ask. Consider how the questions you ask, both at work and at home, elicit certain responses. Ask yourself, “How can I ask questions to get the best from myself and others?”
Lee J. Colan, Ph.D. is a high-energy leadership adviser, engaging speaker and popular author of 12 books that have been translated into 10 languages. His cut-through-the-clutter advice, which is anchored in his corporate leadership experience and robust consulting business, appears in hundreds of online and print outlets monthly.
You can connect with Lee at thelgroup.com