Guest Post by Karen Zando

“How do I ask powerful questions?” is something I am asked frequently.

I sense people hope I will provide a formula or, better yet, a list of questions that can be used when a coaching opportunity arises. This presupposes the power of the question is in its construction when in reality the real power is found in the way it relates to the person being coached (PBC) in the moment we are coaching. What is a powerful question one day may be far less powerful on another day or with another person because it does not meet them in the present moment.

In order to connect with the PBC in real time, we must begin to master another skill: listening beyond words. Asking powerful questions and listening beyond words go hand in hand. They are like two wings of an airplane. You need them both. Together they provide greater lift to your coaching.

Jesus exemplified this. After searching for Jesus in Jerusalem, his parents found Him in the temple both listening and asking questions. (Luke 2:46)

There are many skills we can learn and practice to become better listeners. Unless we start at a more basic level these skills lose their effectiveness. In their book, Coaching for Christian Leaders, Linda Miller and Chad Hall offer three foundational practices that aid us in the art of listening.

  1. Stay present. We must learn to set aside all distractions that will divert our attention from the PBC. Some obvious culprits include: email, text messages, our ‘to do’ list, and the inner dialog running through our own mind as we coach. Many people believe they can multitask, but when it comes to two activities involving words, research has shown this is not possible. Prove it to yourself. Attempt to write out the words to your favorite Bible verse while you sing your National Anthem.
  2. Stay focused. Concentrate on what the PBC is saying. Recognize when your mind has wandered and pull your attention back to the PBC. If you lose focus try this technique. In your mind say what the PBC is saying word for word. (You can practice this while watching TV or while on the phone.) You do not do this for the entire coaching conversation but only long enough to refocus your attention to the PBC.
  3. Avoid self-referencing. To maintain our focus on the PBC, it is good to remove any referencing to ourselves. Do this by removing words like “I” and “me”. Instead of “Tell me more about that” try “Say more about that.” Instead of saying “I wonder what might motivate you,” ask “What might motivate you?”

By learning to stay present, stay focused, and to avoid self-referencing, we are better able to listen beyond words, noticing voice inflection, pace, tone of voice and the energy of the PBC. This enables us to meet the PBC in the moment, and ask powerful questions to the PBC propel forward.

Karen ZandoKaren Zando helps to develop current and future leaders for an international nonprofit. She is a Certified Life Coach and a Sports Chaplain. She has served as a chaplain at a number of Olympic and Paralympic Games. Her desire is to encourage, equip and empower others to reach their full potential in all aspects of their life.

MORE RECENT POSTS

Four Words

Excerpted with the permission of the authors from Chapter Three of Power Questions: “Four Words. ...

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN RESERVE?

This is the THIRD in a series of articles where Master Coach, Aileen Gibb, poses questions you may not be...

Strengthen Your Meeting Agendas!

Excerpted from “Chapter 22” of “Now That’s A Great Question.” How many meeting...

Interview with Dr. Keith Webb

Today, I’m interviewing Dr Keith Webb, author of The COACH Model for Christian Leaders. Keith is a...

One Of Our Favorite Books Revised and Expanded

It’s no secret that one of my favorite coaching books is Dr. Keith Webb’s, The COACH Model for...

The perfect solution is just a perfect question away

Guest Post by Bill Sheridan We’re all looking for solutions these days. In a world of exponential change,...

ENGAGE ME AND YOU CAN MAKE ME CONVINCE MYSELF – PART TWO

Click “HERE” for Part One. Excerpted from Principle 7 of “Little Book of Selling” by...

2 thoughts on “How Do I Ask Powerful Questions?

  1. Stan Jackson says:

    Great article! Is it true that a powerful question is more effective than a powerful statement? Stan

  2. Excellent advise on focus. My business model entails all telephone coaching with clients. It is easy to drift into internal thoughts and miss important messages being sent from my client. Most of my PBCs are ADHD professionals who require even more focus in order to help them navigate life. Thanks for the insights!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.